here i want to talk about my dreams and about my true passion... and the obvious conflict between them.
Dreams
There are dreams; it is such a common thing that everybody possess. But the dreams differ. For each and everyone it is different. It depends on individual priorities. Everybody in this world got different priorities in his life, and these priorities are formed from different cognition that formed in their life time together with the support of their genetic matter evolved from ages.
I accept the fact that dreams differ from individual to individual. How do people form dreams, is it that the reflection of what they are passionate about? People usually have strong feelings towards their dreams. They are emotionally attached to their dreams. Emotions, it is really powerful. It supplies the cohesive force for them to stick to their dreams.
Passion
I have a dream that I am not passionate about. My dream is the result of the processing of thoughts and prioritizing them fairly with the law of justice that I have learned with this short period of my life time. And so it is not complete. The only rule that I know was that our planet belong to the whole population, and everyone has the right to get his minimum share from it. It is my dream to find it that way; everything equally distributed for the common benefit.
Conflicts
Here my dreams had conflicts with my instincts. I am passionate about traveling. I am also passionate about girls. I do want to go into the woods and explore the beauty. I have the adrenaline count that instinct me to do anything crazy with this 60 kg of flesh and bone. I am also passionate about building a home and a family. But nothing buy me self-respect and peace of mind apart from my dream.
I always observed that these internal conflicts are real conflicts as they are free from mis-communication. usually external conflict are the result of some communication gap, and so we can solve it with proper communication, but it will not do with internal affairs. they know each other very well and their motives.
I tried… I tried a lot to find a way out from this ‘Status: CONFLICT’.
...
...
...
...
I am after my dream, I am after myself...
i believe, i have chosen the best part.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
most important thing I have learned..
i had my lunch and its resting time. tomorrow its QT exam...
learned to do some problems.
but it is not the most important thing i learned in my life...
what is the most important thing you learned in your life??
athu enthanu??
my thinking cap on.
i learned that, never waste time in learning things thats not applicable to me.
but it is not the most important thought.. it is important, but there are more important things.
then... i learned being religious make myself calm and quiet and gives me pleasure... but it is not the most important thing, because my pleasure is not that important when we consider the whole world.
then wat??
wat??
pinne enthanu??
something that is useful for everyone in this world... wat is applicable for everyone?? wats the common thing??
soul...
is it soul??
on religious or spiritual background i can support it.. but not as a raw human being.. i want to be simple and born from nature.. and so i can't support that concept in the public...
so wat?? wat is common for all... it can be time, thoughts, this planet... wat else... i can't consider planet as a whole, its too huge and can't give shape to my thoughts.
second option is thoughts. it is common. every body in this world think even plants and animals. but its nature differs a lot. its like too different. i can't draw a conclusion or suggestion about the thoughts that we posses. simply i don't have that capacity.
now time, can I say something about it.. though everybody got the same time, but it is too personal. how can I make a comment on time?? does it make sense?? no way.. you don't need to say the sea is salty or suggest it to be sweet. there is no point in it.
then wat?? to be creative i read that, find the combination that could make a favorable change in your thought process. now, time and thought.
is it that... the same thing... is it the most important thing that i learned in my life... use the maximum time to think more and utilize each second more effectively.. the sum of all small small thoughts constitutes our life... utilize the little bits of life to max..
is it that important??.. everyone know this thing...
may be the most important thing known to me is known to everyone. yes it is..
learned to do some problems.
but it is not the most important thing i learned in my life...
what is the most important thing you learned in your life??
athu enthanu??
my thinking cap on.
i learned that, never waste time in learning things thats not applicable to me.
but it is not the most important thought.. it is important, but there are more important things.
then... i learned being religious make myself calm and quiet and gives me pleasure... but it is not the most important thing, because my pleasure is not that important when we consider the whole world.
then wat??
wat??
pinne enthanu??
something that is useful for everyone in this world... wat is applicable for everyone?? wats the common thing??
soul...
is it soul??
on religious or spiritual background i can support it.. but not as a raw human being.. i want to be simple and born from nature.. and so i can't support that concept in the public...
so wat?? wat is common for all... it can be time, thoughts, this planet... wat else... i can't consider planet as a whole, its too huge and can't give shape to my thoughts.
second option is thoughts. it is common. every body in this world think even plants and animals. but its nature differs a lot. its like too different. i can't draw a conclusion or suggestion about the thoughts that we posses. simply i don't have that capacity.
now time, can I say something about it.. though everybody got the same time, but it is too personal. how can I make a comment on time?? does it make sense?? no way.. you don't need to say the sea is salty or suggest it to be sweet. there is no point in it.
then wat?? to be creative i read that, find the combination that could make a favorable change in your thought process. now, time and thought.
is it that... the same thing... is it the most important thing that i learned in my life... use the maximum time to think more and utilize each second more effectively.. the sum of all small small thoughts constitutes our life... utilize the little bits of life to max..
is it that important??.. everyone know this thing...
may be the most important thing known to me is known to everyone. yes it is..
Friday, April 30, 2010
- long time ago... a very long time ago...
long time ago... a very long time ago... tick-tick... tick-tick.. (our skit starts like that, we were doing the ice breaking session)
its a long time since i post something here.. "no time yaar"... the same old dialogues of lazy people.. not just lazy, should say, careless. i am not caring many things that i were taking care before. am i becoming less Dinu. don know.
now i am bored... all our rounds are over... waiting for the results.. my friends are busy with their events... a lot more time with me... so let me write about my life.
life... it never comes as i want. i think i happens with many more other than me.
i want more time and peace of mind to think... now a days i got real topics to think over. but my thoughts are not clear. one big problem is that, none surrounds me are interested in topics that i am interested in. and so, i can't find a approval bench, somebody who can say, my thoughts are distorted or not. the lost relationships starts consuming me.
the point that i reached (in my life, in my expedition ) is, can i believe this material world or my thoughts, the intangible. either one is true, and the other is false. then also its ok.. its possible. but the real problem arises when both are true. that treats my understanding the inferior. i have to search for more reasons and facts that could support one of the three possibilities
1. material world is true
2. intangible world is true
3. both true
one of the problem that i find with me is that, i don;t believe in myself. i feel its inferior or it is vulnerable to distorted thoughts. now the action plan is to make a stable mind. but my instincts doesn't allow me. i have to control my mind. its like taking interest in things that i never taken interest in. another thing is the instincts. i have to be more thoughtful careful and less reactive.
one common problem that i find with people (with me too) 'want answer for a problem in seconds.' as far as our brain capacity is this much low, we have to create basis for each concepts and then only we can proceed further. Thats why we took almost one forth of lifetime in education, else we could just skimmed over all the books in two or three months and finish our education. to form solid images of the concepts, it take time. all that i find as a solution is work over it. if we could think more about concepts, we can just catalyze its effects in our mind that helps in further discoveries.
thats all da... totally confused.. can't even believe my thoughts... the facts are more suspicious these days... am I alrite?? not sure..
let me think... hope he will give me the key.. the universal key..
one day... one day I will be back with the key.. the key for me and for everone...
its a long time since i post something here.. "no time yaar"... the same old dialogues of lazy people.. not just lazy, should say, careless. i am not caring many things that i were taking care before. am i becoming less Dinu. don know.
now i am bored... all our rounds are over... waiting for the results.. my friends are busy with their events... a lot more time with me... so let me write about my life.
life... it never comes as i want. i think i happens with many more other than me.
i want more time and peace of mind to think... now a days i got real topics to think over. but my thoughts are not clear. one big problem is that, none surrounds me are interested in topics that i am interested in. and so, i can't find a approval bench, somebody who can say, my thoughts are distorted or not. the lost relationships starts consuming me.
the point that i reached (in my life, in my expedition ) is, can i believe this material world or my thoughts, the intangible. either one is true, and the other is false. then also its ok.. its possible. but the real problem arises when both are true. that treats my understanding the inferior. i have to search for more reasons and facts that could support one of the three possibilities
1. material world is true
2. intangible world is true
3. both true
one of the problem that i find with me is that, i don;t believe in myself. i feel its inferior or it is vulnerable to distorted thoughts. now the action plan is to make a stable mind. but my instincts doesn't allow me. i have to control my mind. its like taking interest in things that i never taken interest in. another thing is the instincts. i have to be more thoughtful careful and less reactive.
one common problem that i find with people (with me too) 'want answer for a problem in seconds.' as far as our brain capacity is this much low, we have to create basis for each concepts and then only we can proceed further. Thats why we took almost one forth of lifetime in education, else we could just skimmed over all the books in two or three months and finish our education. to form solid images of the concepts, it take time. all that i find as a solution is work over it. if we could think more about concepts, we can just catalyze its effects in our mind that helps in further discoveries.
thats all da... totally confused.. can't even believe my thoughts... the facts are more suspicious these days... am I alrite?? not sure..
let me think... hope he will give me the key.. the universal key..
one day... one day I will be back with the key.. the key for me and for everone...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
walking the way back to those thoughtful days...
Exactly I can’t think with the real clarity that I had before, I was not thinking for a long time; may be that the reason. Anyway I have to think and solve many ‘internal affairs’.
I feel proud to make a new discovery that “I am not the judge.” And I feel like I am bad at judging people. To judge people is not my cup; and so better not to have it. When I quit doing this job, judging, I could find more resource (like time, peace of mind etc) left with me to do many things; life, it becomes lighter and lighter. And so I took a new stand (may be an old one) of observing but not judging.
**//**//**
Today… but not just today… we were proving we are not just boys, we are Raju or mohan or Sethi. There are identities, there are personalities and there are reasons to be some individuals. Now it is not just fun, some are serious in searching for their taken away ribs. There comes the problems, the same old problems and its complications; and must say partners of problems, the Solvents. Some problems are good and some are bad, some solvents are effective and some are just like oil to the fire. As far as I am a spectator, everything was just cool. I just felt like, its all kids stuff; am at high school and they were at primary school. It may not be the fact; may be I am at KG and they are at high school. I don’t know. Anyway I was just enjoying those events.
One thing that I noticed is that, everybody know how to impress somebody and whom to impress, every thing was planned and executed like professionals do. Most of us were practicing it during our degree classes and at work place; and now we are experts in it. Is everything fruitful?? Wait and see...
I feel proud to make a new discovery that “I am not the judge.” And I feel like I am bad at judging people. To judge people is not my cup; and so better not to have it. When I quit doing this job, judging, I could find more resource (like time, peace of mind etc) left with me to do many things; life, it becomes lighter and lighter. And so I took a new stand (may be an old one) of observing but not judging.
**//**//**
Today… but not just today… we were proving we are not just boys, we are Raju or mohan or Sethi. There are identities, there are personalities and there are reasons to be some individuals. Now it is not just fun, some are serious in searching for their taken away ribs. There comes the problems, the same old problems and its complications; and must say partners of problems, the Solvents. Some problems are good and some are bad, some solvents are effective and some are just like oil to the fire. As far as I am a spectator, everything was just cool. I just felt like, its all kids stuff; am at high school and they were at primary school. It may not be the fact; may be I am at KG and they are at high school. I don’t know. Anyway I was just enjoying those events.
One thing that I noticed is that, everybody know how to impress somebody and whom to impress, every thing was planned and executed like professionals do. Most of us were practicing it during our degree classes and at work place; and now we are experts in it. Is everything fruitful?? Wait and see...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My class... my cheese....
Here, in KJC, they provide us a mentor. Exactly I feel SHR too provided me with a mentor, but not in records, thats peter.
Peter taught me, “People, they are not just black and white”
Okey…. They are not black and white, they are not just good and bad, they are more than good and bad, they are personalities with different perspectives. Njan sammathichu. (just now he ringed me up, Peter, he just know that I am thinking about him, jada thendi, still I call him pottan peter)
appo first day… there was an inaugural function. Nothing different… the same boring session, then a tea break and I had a biscuit break as my system doesn’t allow to take tea inside. Then seminars after seminars…. All that orientation programme stuffs. I really want to tell them that, “ithokke anthappan kore kandittullatha”. From next day itself we got works to do, presentations and reports, book reviews etc. Had one week orientation programme.
Scene: class room.
There was a girl, we were also there, but she thinks she is the only survival there. She wants to do everything, sometimes even lecturing and to complete all assignments the first day itself and plans to collect her mba certificate the next day. Kooduthal onnum parayunnilla, the same as me as I were 5 years back, during my first year at SHR. Enthokke aayirunnu…. Ak 47, Malapuram kathi, ambum villum....... avasanam....
Back to present. Boys were all more or less the same, I should say cool boys. Equally competent and took competition for the chicks the right way it should be. None were serious about finding their soul mate, and so everything was just fun. We always discuss about our strength and weaknesses among ourselves and advice each other in their key strength areas; nothing on our management abilities but on our flowering abilities.
Girls, they were the same, never after boys, but want to be the best among themselves, want boys to come after them… athanu… oomm kure kandathu thane… “oom.. ente patti pokum” like our Dileep in kalyana raman. Ithanu njangalude nilapadu. How can I describe them, girls, more positively?? He.. he..
***------------***-------------****------------***
National conference for two days, at our college, exactly that was something I felt like breaking the ice session. Exactly we broke it… the ice between our classmates, seniors and our teachers. We could show them what we really are apart from the full sleeve shirts and tie, and could also understand who they really are. We have arranged the quadrangle and stage. We all enjoyed it, especially hostellers. We have to take big bricks and to work till 11 o clock at night and morning by 6 O clock again at work. Anyway that was a good physical exercise. There are real men among us, who are not logical about the material benefit from all those toiling, they just do what they feel to do. Also about one senior girl, almost powerful as men are, weighs around 80Kg and soo funny that we just love to work with her.. about our senior boys… they crack jokes among themselves but not with juniors… but they are friendly.. dedicated towards their work. Then conference sessions and all… are boring to write and to read… skip.. skip… and an another skip.
***//***//***//***
Today there was something between us, Boys. There is a rule that we have to talk in english and if we found to talk in other languages have to pay Rs.100 towards celebration fund. Two of our boys are caught and have to pay hundred rupees each. There was a suggestion from one of our class mate to divide this due amount between us and lighten the burden of paying the sum by a single individual. It will come around 5 or 10 rupee each and none of the boys were there to support this idea, here comes the difference in opinion. 1. People won’t care about the fine if it is paid by their classmates. 2. We don’t have to pay for others faults. 3. Though the intention is good, it won’t work. 4. Can’t say an opinion because not used to tell opinion in the public. We can summarize the whole opinions like this. Again a story without a climax… he.. he…
Peter taught me, “People, they are not just black and white”
Okey…. They are not black and white, they are not just good and bad, they are more than good and bad, they are personalities with different perspectives. Njan sammathichu. (just now he ringed me up, Peter, he just know that I am thinking about him, jada thendi, still I call him pottan peter)
appo first day… there was an inaugural function. Nothing different… the same boring session, then a tea break and I had a biscuit break as my system doesn’t allow to take tea inside. Then seminars after seminars…. All that orientation programme stuffs. I really want to tell them that, “ithokke anthappan kore kandittullatha”. From next day itself we got works to do, presentations and reports, book reviews etc. Had one week orientation programme.
Scene: class room.
There was a girl, we were also there, but she thinks she is the only survival there. She wants to do everything, sometimes even lecturing and to complete all assignments the first day itself and plans to collect her mba certificate the next day. Kooduthal onnum parayunnilla, the same as me as I were 5 years back, during my first year at SHR. Enthokke aayirunnu…. Ak 47, Malapuram kathi, ambum villum....... avasanam....
Back to present. Boys were all more or less the same, I should say cool boys. Equally competent and took competition for the chicks the right way it should be. None were serious about finding their soul mate, and so everything was just fun. We always discuss about our strength and weaknesses among ourselves and advice each other in their key strength areas; nothing on our management abilities but on our flowering abilities.
Girls, they were the same, never after boys, but want to be the best among themselves, want boys to come after them… athanu… oomm kure kandathu thane… “oom.. ente patti pokum” like our Dileep in kalyana raman. Ithanu njangalude nilapadu. How can I describe them, girls, more positively?? He.. he..
***------------***-------------****------------***
National conference for two days, at our college, exactly that was something I felt like breaking the ice session. Exactly we broke it… the ice between our classmates, seniors and our teachers. We could show them what we really are apart from the full sleeve shirts and tie, and could also understand who they really are. We have arranged the quadrangle and stage. We all enjoyed it, especially hostellers. We have to take big bricks and to work till 11 o clock at night and morning by 6 O clock again at work. Anyway that was a good physical exercise. There are real men among us, who are not logical about the material benefit from all those toiling, they just do what they feel to do. Also about one senior girl, almost powerful as men are, weighs around 80Kg and soo funny that we just love to work with her.. about our senior boys… they crack jokes among themselves but not with juniors… but they are friendly.. dedicated towards their work. Then conference sessions and all… are boring to write and to read… skip.. skip… and an another skip.
***//***//***//***
Today there was something between us, Boys. There is a rule that we have to talk in english and if we found to talk in other languages have to pay Rs.100 towards celebration fund. Two of our boys are caught and have to pay hundred rupees each. There was a suggestion from one of our class mate to divide this due amount between us and lighten the burden of paying the sum by a single individual. It will come around 5 or 10 rupee each and none of the boys were there to support this idea, here comes the difference in opinion. 1. People won’t care about the fine if it is paid by their classmates. 2. We don’t have to pay for others faults. 3. Though the intention is good, it won’t work. 4. Can’t say an opinion because not used to tell opinion in the public. We can summarize the whole opinions like this. Again a story without a climax… he.. he…
Monday, December 28, 2009
Am Back
And… am back.
Even now, I don’t have colors to color the whole Bangalore city. The only difference is that, I am not looking in black and white, now my file contains my degree certificates, not that colorful, but i have one...
I am again a student.. a thinker… a philosopher… a friend.. a joker.. anything that I can be without some serious responsibilities.. not at all somebody after money as I were for 6 months almost; and now I am happy, forgot to add a word called ‘extreme’ before happy. When I turn back I can’t find any lessons being taught; those days were nothing; days of sweat but without being honored by myself.
This might have done that part ‘introduction’, the boring of all times.
As I have said I am a student now; a class room, class mates, teachers, black board and of course, a men’s room, all taken for granted. Am sure about the course completion, the certificates, a basis for my career, everything but, one thing that I am not sure about is that, is it going to be lively as it were. Lively, that’s a very demanding word, that needs people with depth. i need friends... reliable friendships... between means and a support, between advice and understanding, between mere sharing and pleasure in doing it.. I could feel it… greed inside me… am greedy for more… more of that kind.
Okey… let me start my next spell… a recorded spell… all the very best for myself. (thumps up)
Even now, I don’t have colors to color the whole Bangalore city. The only difference is that, I am not looking in black and white, now my file contains my degree certificates, not that colorful, but i have one...
I am again a student.. a thinker… a philosopher… a friend.. a joker.. anything that I can be without some serious responsibilities.. not at all somebody after money as I were for 6 months almost; and now I am happy, forgot to add a word called ‘extreme’ before happy. When I turn back I can’t find any lessons being taught; those days were nothing; days of sweat but without being honored by myself.
This might have done that part ‘introduction’, the boring of all times.
As I have said I am a student now; a class room, class mates, teachers, black board and of course, a men’s room, all taken for granted. Am sure about the course completion, the certificates, a basis for my career, everything but, one thing that I am not sure about is that, is it going to be lively as it were. Lively, that’s a very demanding word, that needs people with depth. i need friends... reliable friendships... between means and a support, between advice and understanding, between mere sharing and pleasure in doing it.. I could feel it… greed inside me… am greedy for more… more of that kind.
Okey… let me start my next spell… a recorded spell… all the very best for myself. (thumps up)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
close to ma life
It is about my Bangalore trip in search of Job. Here I don’t want to suppress my inferiority or superiority complex; everything is here as fresh and straight from my garden of feelings. I do want to be cent percent truthful from my side and so I don’t want to present nothing less than the truth. So, here we go…
It was a Saturday evening and the climate was just normal, as normal as I am. Though, am a normal person my mind was not normal at that take of my life. Thoughts were crowded and my poor mind had no room for any fresh thoughts. My abnormal mind has to process a million thoughts a second. It got heated up. My body began to sweat and my inners got heavy. There is always a reason behind everything, and here comes the reason. I am going to make a stay with people whom I don’t even have any acquaintance, forgetting some short phone calls. The only name familiar to me is Joe. He is my friend’s friend and I know his two features, he is romantic as well as a man live in the present, somebody who took life seriously. These two immiscible characters made him a subject of interest, at the same time demanded amble care to deal with, because those people are very light weighted and fragile. He has got more importance in my trip, the only person I know a little, also he is the one who helped me to prove one more theory that some silly things done somewhere in our life enables us to get more help in return. Life, he continues to teach me more lessons.
Back to the present, my burdened mind; thoughts are flashing and the cooling system is doing their part pretty well at this time. The main topics of those thoughts were about the environment I have to be acquainted with, than about the job. I was not confident with myself with my negotiation capabilities. And there are reasons for that too, it is my sister. She always threatens me with the wild circumstances that I am going to face in my life which I could not adjust. In her opinion, am a savage stuff, more than adamant, the blind stubborn. And these thoughts made me to make a vow that I should think twice before telling a “No” to my co-habitant, the only way to express my socializing nature, and want to use it as a tool to defend myself. I was prepared to face to the virtual enemy and the funny side of the future was that they were all so independent creatures and never arose any serious questions of yes or no and my “No” part has got no chance and went to its passive state.
Again back to the present, Nandu was there to take me to the bus stop. He is the man who always there to support whenever I am so tensed. He always proves it by just being an unmatched listener, that is his nature. The curiosity in his face compels me to dump everything into the air and empty my mind, made me feel comfortable. My amma packed everything for my journey. The very thing I noticed in her is, she never showed any sentiments at the time of departure. I can memories the same bold face when she left for Bahrain and I stayed for the first time without aunty. I know she was so tensed thinking about me, but she expressed nothing, just a good bye as she said to all of us gathered there.
Once again back to the present, Manju cheachi(neighbour) was there with a pleasant smile, she said nothing; but I could hear her from her heart, it said, ”pavam muthu(myself).” I am not sure, it may be “pavam Leena cheachi.” There was an inner voice in my mind to see achachan (neighbor, 80 m) and to say good bye. But I haven’t done it; I am not that good as I think I am. I behaved less sapiens.
I stared at my left wrist and it showed 6.25pm. I have 5 more minutes to get there. Me and Nandu started to the bus stop. In my haste I mis-wore my chapels for my turned to red shoes, and half the way we have to take a u-turn. Nandu didn’t allow me to step out as he thinks it is a bad omen. And so he collected me my red shoes and pungent socks from the door steps. He made no sounds that he don’t want my amma know about the case, because she too considered it as a bad omen. He always care for his friends like this, boy or girl, it makes no difference to him. I want to specify it here to criticize guys who took over care for their girl friends and girls who do the same to their boy friends and I am no exception in this case too. I am a normal person. It is him to be blamed who injected those hormones into our veins by birth itself, naughty ultimate power.
We have reached the bus stop and enquired at the bus office, he give me a fifteen minutes more. We returned to our four wheels and changed my foot-wares. In my mind I have a doubt that I forgot my mobile charger. “doubt” , it always took birth from a violent mind and my mind too counted with that violent category. Charger was there in my hand bag, else we have to draw an another U. “thank God”. He is not that naughty. oom.
Still we have a ten minutes more. The battery of my sudoku player was weak and it faded its display. We walked to china shop and got it changed. By that time I have given him a brief description of our farewell party at thrissur. He wants to listen to me, but I could see many other thoughts in his mind, so he nodded very fast that he want to give me a listening feeling, I kept doing my bla-bla. There are times to play the fool of ourselves that could simplify the complex situations presented. My bla-bla helped me to ease my mind to an extend. Life, he taught me his new old lesson to play the fool. My sudoku player is in good condition and it pulled my lips to spread.
My flight is ready to take off. The bus boy took my big bag to the boot. Though there was nothing so expensive, I followed him to make sure it is safe. Nandu waved his hands and said me good bye in his mind, and he could read my ok from my mind. I want to mention about a pretty girl smiling at me now and as decency I smiled her back. She was so excited and was very happy about it. But I am not, because she don’t even had her milk teeth, but had 2 sisters. There also God deceived me, they were just six and eight.
Though the bus looks too muutta, it didn’t give me much vibration. Driver shifts the gears and it gained its pace. There was nothing gone wrong, but I felt lost with myself. I had the same feeling when I went for an excursion in my 10th std, while saying good-bye there is no problem. But the later makes me feel lost. Soon I took my mobile as a defense. But I don know what should I expect from that electronic cake, fairly a big piece. And it showed 3 messages and 2 missed calls. It really comforted me. I ringed back that land line to my amma and said am ok and about the foot-ware case. She said “oom”. What else should she say? Soon my friend binu called me and wished me good-luck. The two messages was from Pavithran and those were damn emotional messages, and it moved me like anything, I don’ know what to reply. Also I hate tears. I controlled myself, also my tension didn’t allow me to be emotional no longer, exchanged some messages with him and felt exhausted. He once again proved to be light hearted and I feel great to own a very simple friend like him. Also I exchanged messages with Jincy, it was not that emotional as I don’t have that deep relationship with her. I felt like I should have made a better connection. But desires never said “you are late.” Those messages gained me another sis, Jincy pengal, and I felt a little better. I received more miss calls from friends and I replied in the same manner. Got a good night message from Lemcy and replied her the same. Some udayippu messages from Nubin and it really worked with my heart.
Soon I slipped into a nap. But it stopped for dinner, had my amma prepared noodles and a big banana, it is not amma prepared, it is plantain prepared. Back to fantasy, back to sleep, back to deep sleep, and at the peak time a got a call from this material world, more than a call it was a blow on my left ear. Instead of ears I opened my eyes. A thirty year old lady said, “sorry” , and I felt pity on that nonsense sorry, a wrong word at wrong time. I just said ok though I don’t mean it and spread cheese on my lips. That cheese masked my wrath. She had a four year old daughter and she placed her near to the window. She was very restless to make her daughter feel restful. She continued to make noise and want to adjust her throne. I was half-asleep, but I helped her to fix it, not because I want to help her but want to sleep her. I wished her “rest in peace” in my mind. I didn’t look into her face. She might had a thanks smile, but I don’t want any more thanks or sorry, the era has gone, now am badly in need of a little peace in my territory. Now I felt bad about myself, I should have said an ok with my eyes; once again I proved I am less sapiens. The best time to measure a person is in his bad times, and I wished none might have measured me at that take of my life.
Sunday morning, it is not sun rays, those are red and green filtered streaks without any energy to sour my eyes, still before sun rise, the high-way decorated with neon lamps. I enquired the driver and said he too given me a fifteen minutes more to madivala. I dropped a call to Joe-cheattan, he said he will be waiting for me at the bus stop.
I got down at madivala and made a call for Joe-cheattan, he told me to walk in the reverse direction and I have to. As a matter of common sense I walked in the forward manner in the reverse direction. Within two minutes I found my savior. He took one of my bags and we walked for five minutes reached our shelter.
It was more than an ok. It was much more than I expected, got a hall, three bed-rooms with attached toilets and a kitchen. A bed room and its toilet were not used, they were meant for dumping and washing respectively. That bathroom has got a wash basin for brushing and shaving and I was very happy about it. After meeting my basic needs he checked with me about a morning walk. The subjects discussed were about the software industry and the aim of my visit. He talked about the BPOs, call centers, supporting services etc and it was a very informative. He also offered me a tea but I can’t accept it. I won’t take tea. We got into a restaurant and had a masala dosa. It was ok, but can’t be compared with woodlands masala dosa irinjalakuda. And so we returned home. There I met the next member of out family, Jay, a very cool person. But he don’t have the confidence in his coolness. I have arrived at this conclusion with his own words. He once met a girl in the forum, she was very friendly. She had given him her mobile number and introduced him to her friends. She showed genuine interests in that relationship, the extreme a malayalee girl can express. She once called him by phone and asked for an appointment on a weekend, and he said he is busy with something else. It is not that he is not interested in her but he is not confident in himself. Anyway I am not in a position to train him to be a better boy-friend and I don’t know more about this story. I am famous among my friends telling stories without a climax. The reason is that I just tell live stories without masala and real life stories are not that thrilling and may be without a climax.
Soon we (me and Joe-chettan) dressed for the mass at St:Antonio church. Inside the church were so crowded and we got our reserved place somewhere inside the verandah. The mass was in English and of course I understand nothing and said amen. After that we had a short walk to the forum. Common stuffs, white skin and red lips, very attractive but nothing special. I love people but hate shopping malls and so we returned.
Joe-chettan drew a map and showed our location and near by places and explained me how to reach home back in the right route. I folded that sheet and put in my pocket and it was very important to me. That day itself I took a airtel connection and that was a fair deal. Joe-chettan helped me to make my choice. That evening I made one another evening walk to study my land. Everybody was busy on streets. None look at other’s face. Most of the people are chatting on their mobile phones as if they are from the other world. I felt like I am the odd one there, the one without a mission in a world of dead line.
Monday morning, I went to net-café and searched the inbox. There were nothing that I am searching, registered in more job sites and I just returned home. I got dressed well but without a tie. I entered the street and I felt pity on myself. I don’t know, I really felt bad of myself though there was nothing so embarrassing happened just now. My well pressed shirt was shouting that I am on my way to my office, but I don’t have one. I don’t know what to do and where to go. The thing is, I don’t have an aim. I put my mind on the subject and pictured an aim. A consultancy, that was my aim. I had a walk for 2 hours and can’t find a consultancy board. I was fed up. I dropped calls to my friends and well-wishers and collected some addresses and name of a magazine, AD-MAG. I bought one for myself but it was not printed for people like me. There were no openings for a software job except for some BPOs and call centers. I made some calls to some consultancies and they had no software jobs. I returned home with a very heavy heart. I can’t find a job, more than that I can’t even make the first move to find some consultancies to help me.
Loe cheattan, my next family member, made his appearance. He just arrived from his kingdom. He is very straight and talks with plain words and so we can trust his words. In fact, his words were really disturbing my mind, but everything he said was true. He told me that there is no point in remaining there. Go back and clear all backlogs and come back with my certificates was his advice. I worried boundless. I just want to go back to my kingdom. I just want to correct my six hundred kilometer fault. Now, I don’t want to disturb my amma, also she can’t take the final decision. So I called my sister. All that she could tell me was to remain there and she was talking from a partial picture. I told her to tell shanto chettan. Call ended. But my desperate mood has not ended with the call. It drew me to a better place. I slept like an escaped prisoner. First time in my life sleep act as a pseudo savior from my real problems.
Tuesday morning, this time my mind was a little bit relaxed, though I don’t know what to do. It was not actually relaxed but prepared, prepared to face the worst.
I put down all the addresses I could collect and set out for them. I got a bus to BMTC bus stand and from there to Srinagar. I haven’t seen a huge bus stand like that before. It was well maintained except for the dirty dust bins and its surroundings. I got down at the bus stop. I asked the shop keeper near by about the address and he said something in kannada which I was really foreign to my ears and said my ok. My eyes locked at a helping smile at the flower shop. That man stared at the address and he pointed to a complex near by. He too doesn’t speak English but know human language. I thanked him and said “somebody from heavens on earth” in my mind and “thank you” with my tongue. I really want to do more to express my gratitude but I have nothing more to do at that point of life.
I entered the camvar technologies with much respect in my heart and without shoes on my foot. The security asked me my name and address in a very indifferent manner and put down in his note-book. I feared that he might demand for my birth certificates and original passport for verification. It was just a training center for everyone but for them it is the second world trade center under the threat of terrorist attack. They made me wait there for 45 minutes. That was the only thing that they could do to show the dignity of their institution. Damn people, damn plan. Just before starting my forty sixth minute of waiting, the blessed busy lady appeared with a busy file in hand. The security ushered me into her cabin. The only thing that she could do better than me was to speak fluent English. She lectured about the infinite possibilities of being placed if I got trained from their institution. All that she need was money and I need a job, and so said my ok and left the scene, left the great university.
The next big thing I have to do was get a Bangalore map. I walked for three to four kilometers in search for a book-stall, more specifically an opened book-stall. And the funny side of my expedition was that all book-stalls went on a strike that day.
And my next step was to get back to BMTC bus stand. I got into a bus and they asked m which BMTC bus stand. I could not understand it as it was in kannada. On of my co-traveler helped me and given me the bus number to my destination. “The other one from heavens” and thanked him in words and said good bye to that bus driver. Soon I got my right bus and I was thinking about that person who helped me. I am sure that it will be a less earth, if there are less people from above. He might never aimed at anything material from me, but got a lot of good wishes from my heart. Here I want to quote my another discovery, it is more important than a word of thanks or a bouquet of flowers, to wish a good life to our fellow beings as long as we believe in that unity of soul. Something that money can’t understand, money can’t buy.
From BMTC bus stand I got into a bus that promised me to take me to brigadier road. There I met two people, both where thamil-vala, one aged and one youth. But both were equally nice to me. The aged person was very talkative, he dumped everything in his mind to me. He told me about #600 bus which would took me to the whole Bangalore city, that’s banashankar to banashankar bus. His lecture was very informative. he told me about church street and about the Sunday specialty, more white skin and more red lips; and I said my ok. I had no fear talking to those two strangers, they were not at all dangerous. They don’t want to know my personal details. They were just talking about the Bangalore city and the places I can visit. Good people, nice company, great time.
I had a short walk of two kilometers to my destination, CRM Consultancies. I asked about the address to a co-walker and he took me to its gate. He is a Wipro employee. He had an off-white shirt and gray pants with a bright black belt. That belt was shining odd with his polished shoes. His words were not that polished and always had a mission with each one of them. His principle was less words and more steps. And so we reached the destination with much pace and in less time. He walked away. Heavens continued to shower its people, and our one third land area is lucky to get those people without hurt.
The consultancy was not expecting 2008 pass out people. They asked me for my certificates and about my final results. I haven’t had both things. So I have to return the same way I got inside. I was not in desperate mood, because God placed the CRM Consultancies in the church street. Even though it was not Sunday, there were enough crowd for me. Guys were really enjoying the visual party and most of them were in their cargos and in loose t-shirts. They are dressed in a very carefully careless manner, while the girls are walking as if they are on a ramp, creatures from their fantasy world. They were so nervous and their eyes were so reserved, that it touched only the cosmetics and worthy articles
I have to walk two kilometers for a bus stop. I made a busy walk, took amble care to avoid the broken slabs of the foot-path. I got my us and reached home safe.
That night I got a call from shanto chettan. It was really a consoling call and he shared his experience with me. He played a good brother and it had a double effect on me as it is for the first time I am experiencing a brother. I don’t have a brother from my mom and he is my sister’s property. It was a half an hour long call and heated my ear flap by radiation, as I am using the latest Samsung mobile with a big antenna. Its market price will exceed seventy five rupees and a jeeraka soda.
Wednesday morning, I bought a copy of times of India noted the interview dates and constancy numbers. Then I washed my cloths. I have done some exercises from my aptitude books. In the evening I went to the net café and checked mails and chatted with my dear and near ones and I felt better. From there I had an evening walk and got into a super market. It was not that crowded like forum but people comes there for real shopping, not for window shopping. I wandered there unnoticed, but a single sales person wants to introduce his product to me. He asked me, ”where you work?” . I was so happy that, at least I had a look of an employee. Those times I had a very great respect for everyone who are employed, even watch the sweepers in restaurants with jealous. They had a job and I don’t have.
I could note down many number of good captions, each and every flux board was a black board for me, they taught me words with their different meaning. I was trying to make more captions for my imaginary products. I was walking with much ease but working hard in my mind. That take of my life badly demanded a dictionary, I don’t have one just like my job. Those words and thoughts put me over more serious subjects as relationships and attitudes. I felt girls need less number of relationships and they want to boorish those few relationships. But boys at the other end will be having a lot of connections but seldom go for deep relationships. I made more theories and made more steps towards my territory. Reached home safe.
Thursday morning, I have to visit two software companies. I asked the address to many people and none could identify the company in that locality. At last I made a call and other end female voice instructed my route and I reached the company. The company was not half big as our house. The manager, receptionist and the duties of peon were handled by a fantastic madam. But she doesn’t have that pride in her face. It took great effort for her to open her eyes and I felt like I should help her for it. As soon as she finished her lecturing I said my ok and returned.
The next company was a good set up. They have enough employees and a good office. But it was also a training institute. The receptionist collected my details and asked me to meet a madam. She was a very friendly girl; more specifically she was very well trained to be friendly. Boldness in her eyes spoke about the number of faces she handled. After that meeting she asked me for 10 minutes for a demo session they arranged. I scanned the office and could see it was well designed and maintained. Office stood on deep blue carpet with sky-blue walls with matching furniture. That madam offered me drinking water and I had two hundred milliliters of it. A man of twenty three years came there; he is the man going to teach me about Sap. A girl and a boy invited me to their class room. Both of them are of my age. They too pretended as enquirers and the drama began, the class began. They were asking him very reasonable doubts and getting unmatched solutions and I was impressed. It was a twenty minutes drama and at the end of the class, master assured me that I could even got placed in sap labs in germany. And I didn’t forget to give him back my ok. The receptionist guided me to a new actress, MANAGER, it was that written on her desk. She asked me about joining date for the drama class, and I demanded her visiting card as an answer.
……………………………………………………………………………………
I was there for ten more days, and the big city smiled at me in black and white. I returned home, to my gods own country hoping one day I would have enough colors with me to color the whole Bangalore city.
It was a Saturday evening and the climate was just normal, as normal as I am. Though, am a normal person my mind was not normal at that take of my life. Thoughts were crowded and my poor mind had no room for any fresh thoughts. My abnormal mind has to process a million thoughts a second. It got heated up. My body began to sweat and my inners got heavy. There is always a reason behind everything, and here comes the reason. I am going to make a stay with people whom I don’t even have any acquaintance, forgetting some short phone calls. The only name familiar to me is Joe. He is my friend’s friend and I know his two features, he is romantic as well as a man live in the present, somebody who took life seriously. These two immiscible characters made him a subject of interest, at the same time demanded amble care to deal with, because those people are very light weighted and fragile. He has got more importance in my trip, the only person I know a little, also he is the one who helped me to prove one more theory that some silly things done somewhere in our life enables us to get more help in return. Life, he continues to teach me more lessons.
Back to the present, my burdened mind; thoughts are flashing and the cooling system is doing their part pretty well at this time. The main topics of those thoughts were about the environment I have to be acquainted with, than about the job. I was not confident with myself with my negotiation capabilities. And there are reasons for that too, it is my sister. She always threatens me with the wild circumstances that I am going to face in my life which I could not adjust. In her opinion, am a savage stuff, more than adamant, the blind stubborn. And these thoughts made me to make a vow that I should think twice before telling a “No” to my co-habitant, the only way to express my socializing nature, and want to use it as a tool to defend myself. I was prepared to face to the virtual enemy and the funny side of the future was that they were all so independent creatures and never arose any serious questions of yes or no and my “No” part has got no chance and went to its passive state.
Again back to the present, Nandu was there to take me to the bus stop. He is the man who always there to support whenever I am so tensed. He always proves it by just being an unmatched listener, that is his nature. The curiosity in his face compels me to dump everything into the air and empty my mind, made me feel comfortable. My amma packed everything for my journey. The very thing I noticed in her is, she never showed any sentiments at the time of departure. I can memories the same bold face when she left for Bahrain and I stayed for the first time without aunty. I know she was so tensed thinking about me, but she expressed nothing, just a good bye as she said to all of us gathered there.
Once again back to the present, Manju cheachi(neighbour) was there with a pleasant smile, she said nothing; but I could hear her from her heart, it said, ”pavam muthu(myself).” I am not sure, it may be “pavam Leena cheachi.” There was an inner voice in my mind to see achachan (neighbor, 80 m) and to say good bye. But I haven’t done it; I am not that good as I think I am. I behaved less sapiens.
I stared at my left wrist and it showed 6.25pm. I have 5 more minutes to get there. Me and Nandu started to the bus stop. In my haste I mis-wore my chapels for my turned to red shoes, and half the way we have to take a u-turn. Nandu didn’t allow me to step out as he thinks it is a bad omen. And so he collected me my red shoes and pungent socks from the door steps. He made no sounds that he don’t want my amma know about the case, because she too considered it as a bad omen. He always care for his friends like this, boy or girl, it makes no difference to him. I want to specify it here to criticize guys who took over care for their girl friends and girls who do the same to their boy friends and I am no exception in this case too. I am a normal person. It is him to be blamed who injected those hormones into our veins by birth itself, naughty ultimate power.
We have reached the bus stop and enquired at the bus office, he give me a fifteen minutes more. We returned to our four wheels and changed my foot-wares. In my mind I have a doubt that I forgot my mobile charger. “doubt” , it always took birth from a violent mind and my mind too counted with that violent category. Charger was there in my hand bag, else we have to draw an another U. “thank God”. He is not that naughty. oom.
Still we have a ten minutes more. The battery of my sudoku player was weak and it faded its display. We walked to china shop and got it changed. By that time I have given him a brief description of our farewell party at thrissur. He wants to listen to me, but I could see many other thoughts in his mind, so he nodded very fast that he want to give me a listening feeling, I kept doing my bla-bla. There are times to play the fool of ourselves that could simplify the complex situations presented. My bla-bla helped me to ease my mind to an extend. Life, he taught me his new old lesson to play the fool. My sudoku player is in good condition and it pulled my lips to spread.
My flight is ready to take off. The bus boy took my big bag to the boot. Though there was nothing so expensive, I followed him to make sure it is safe. Nandu waved his hands and said me good bye in his mind, and he could read my ok from my mind. I want to mention about a pretty girl smiling at me now and as decency I smiled her back. She was so excited and was very happy about it. But I am not, because she don’t even had her milk teeth, but had 2 sisters. There also God deceived me, they were just six and eight.
Though the bus looks too muutta, it didn’t give me much vibration. Driver shifts the gears and it gained its pace. There was nothing gone wrong, but I felt lost with myself. I had the same feeling when I went for an excursion in my 10th std, while saying good-bye there is no problem. But the later makes me feel lost. Soon I took my mobile as a defense. But I don know what should I expect from that electronic cake, fairly a big piece. And it showed 3 messages and 2 missed calls. It really comforted me. I ringed back that land line to my amma and said am ok and about the foot-ware case. She said “oom”. What else should she say? Soon my friend binu called me and wished me good-luck. The two messages was from Pavithran and those were damn emotional messages, and it moved me like anything, I don’ know what to reply. Also I hate tears. I controlled myself, also my tension didn’t allow me to be emotional no longer, exchanged some messages with him and felt exhausted. He once again proved to be light hearted and I feel great to own a very simple friend like him. Also I exchanged messages with Jincy, it was not that emotional as I don’t have that deep relationship with her. I felt like I should have made a better connection. But desires never said “you are late.” Those messages gained me another sis, Jincy pengal, and I felt a little better. I received more miss calls from friends and I replied in the same manner. Got a good night message from Lemcy and replied her the same. Some udayippu messages from Nubin and it really worked with my heart.
Soon I slipped into a nap. But it stopped for dinner, had my amma prepared noodles and a big banana, it is not amma prepared, it is plantain prepared. Back to fantasy, back to sleep, back to deep sleep, and at the peak time a got a call from this material world, more than a call it was a blow on my left ear. Instead of ears I opened my eyes. A thirty year old lady said, “sorry” , and I felt pity on that nonsense sorry, a wrong word at wrong time. I just said ok though I don’t mean it and spread cheese on my lips. That cheese masked my wrath. She had a four year old daughter and she placed her near to the window. She was very restless to make her daughter feel restful. She continued to make noise and want to adjust her throne. I was half-asleep, but I helped her to fix it, not because I want to help her but want to sleep her. I wished her “rest in peace” in my mind. I didn’t look into her face. She might had a thanks smile, but I don’t want any more thanks or sorry, the era has gone, now am badly in need of a little peace in my territory. Now I felt bad about myself, I should have said an ok with my eyes; once again I proved I am less sapiens. The best time to measure a person is in his bad times, and I wished none might have measured me at that take of my life.
Sunday morning, it is not sun rays, those are red and green filtered streaks without any energy to sour my eyes, still before sun rise, the high-way decorated with neon lamps. I enquired the driver and said he too given me a fifteen minutes more to madivala. I dropped a call to Joe-cheattan, he said he will be waiting for me at the bus stop.
I got down at madivala and made a call for Joe-cheattan, he told me to walk in the reverse direction and I have to. As a matter of common sense I walked in the forward manner in the reverse direction. Within two minutes I found my savior. He took one of my bags and we walked for five minutes reached our shelter.
It was more than an ok. It was much more than I expected, got a hall, three bed-rooms with attached toilets and a kitchen. A bed room and its toilet were not used, they were meant for dumping and washing respectively. That bathroom has got a wash basin for brushing and shaving and I was very happy about it. After meeting my basic needs he checked with me about a morning walk. The subjects discussed were about the software industry and the aim of my visit. He talked about the BPOs, call centers, supporting services etc and it was a very informative. He also offered me a tea but I can’t accept it. I won’t take tea. We got into a restaurant and had a masala dosa. It was ok, but can’t be compared with woodlands masala dosa irinjalakuda. And so we returned home. There I met the next member of out family, Jay, a very cool person. But he don’t have the confidence in his coolness. I have arrived at this conclusion with his own words. He once met a girl in the forum, she was very friendly. She had given him her mobile number and introduced him to her friends. She showed genuine interests in that relationship, the extreme a malayalee girl can express. She once called him by phone and asked for an appointment on a weekend, and he said he is busy with something else. It is not that he is not interested in her but he is not confident in himself. Anyway I am not in a position to train him to be a better boy-friend and I don’t know more about this story. I am famous among my friends telling stories without a climax. The reason is that I just tell live stories without masala and real life stories are not that thrilling and may be without a climax.
Soon we (me and Joe-chettan) dressed for the mass at St:Antonio church. Inside the church were so crowded and we got our reserved place somewhere inside the verandah. The mass was in English and of course I understand nothing and said amen. After that we had a short walk to the forum. Common stuffs, white skin and red lips, very attractive but nothing special. I love people but hate shopping malls and so we returned.
Joe-chettan drew a map and showed our location and near by places and explained me how to reach home back in the right route. I folded that sheet and put in my pocket and it was very important to me. That day itself I took a airtel connection and that was a fair deal. Joe-chettan helped me to make my choice. That evening I made one another evening walk to study my land. Everybody was busy on streets. None look at other’s face. Most of the people are chatting on their mobile phones as if they are from the other world. I felt like I am the odd one there, the one without a mission in a world of dead line.
Monday morning, I went to net-café and searched the inbox. There were nothing that I am searching, registered in more job sites and I just returned home. I got dressed well but without a tie. I entered the street and I felt pity on myself. I don’t know, I really felt bad of myself though there was nothing so embarrassing happened just now. My well pressed shirt was shouting that I am on my way to my office, but I don’t have one. I don’t know what to do and where to go. The thing is, I don’t have an aim. I put my mind on the subject and pictured an aim. A consultancy, that was my aim. I had a walk for 2 hours and can’t find a consultancy board. I was fed up. I dropped calls to my friends and well-wishers and collected some addresses and name of a magazine, AD-MAG. I bought one for myself but it was not printed for people like me. There were no openings for a software job except for some BPOs and call centers. I made some calls to some consultancies and they had no software jobs. I returned home with a very heavy heart. I can’t find a job, more than that I can’t even make the first move to find some consultancies to help me.
Loe cheattan, my next family member, made his appearance. He just arrived from his kingdom. He is very straight and talks with plain words and so we can trust his words. In fact, his words were really disturbing my mind, but everything he said was true. He told me that there is no point in remaining there. Go back and clear all backlogs and come back with my certificates was his advice. I worried boundless. I just want to go back to my kingdom. I just want to correct my six hundred kilometer fault. Now, I don’t want to disturb my amma, also she can’t take the final decision. So I called my sister. All that she could tell me was to remain there and she was talking from a partial picture. I told her to tell shanto chettan. Call ended. But my desperate mood has not ended with the call. It drew me to a better place. I slept like an escaped prisoner. First time in my life sleep act as a pseudo savior from my real problems.
Tuesday morning, this time my mind was a little bit relaxed, though I don’t know what to do. It was not actually relaxed but prepared, prepared to face the worst.
I put down all the addresses I could collect and set out for them. I got a bus to BMTC bus stand and from there to Srinagar. I haven’t seen a huge bus stand like that before. It was well maintained except for the dirty dust bins and its surroundings. I got down at the bus stop. I asked the shop keeper near by about the address and he said something in kannada which I was really foreign to my ears and said my ok. My eyes locked at a helping smile at the flower shop. That man stared at the address and he pointed to a complex near by. He too doesn’t speak English but know human language. I thanked him and said “somebody from heavens on earth” in my mind and “thank you” with my tongue. I really want to do more to express my gratitude but I have nothing more to do at that point of life.
I entered the camvar technologies with much respect in my heart and without shoes on my foot. The security asked me my name and address in a very indifferent manner and put down in his note-book. I feared that he might demand for my birth certificates and original passport for verification. It was just a training center for everyone but for them it is the second world trade center under the threat of terrorist attack. They made me wait there for 45 minutes. That was the only thing that they could do to show the dignity of their institution. Damn people, damn plan. Just before starting my forty sixth minute of waiting, the blessed busy lady appeared with a busy file in hand. The security ushered me into her cabin. The only thing that she could do better than me was to speak fluent English. She lectured about the infinite possibilities of being placed if I got trained from their institution. All that she need was money and I need a job, and so said my ok and left the scene, left the great university.
The next big thing I have to do was get a Bangalore map. I walked for three to four kilometers in search for a book-stall, more specifically an opened book-stall. And the funny side of my expedition was that all book-stalls went on a strike that day.
And my next step was to get back to BMTC bus stand. I got into a bus and they asked m which BMTC bus stand. I could not understand it as it was in kannada. On of my co-traveler helped me and given me the bus number to my destination. “The other one from heavens” and thanked him in words and said good bye to that bus driver. Soon I got my right bus and I was thinking about that person who helped me. I am sure that it will be a less earth, if there are less people from above. He might never aimed at anything material from me, but got a lot of good wishes from my heart. Here I want to quote my another discovery, it is more important than a word of thanks or a bouquet of flowers, to wish a good life to our fellow beings as long as we believe in that unity of soul. Something that money can’t understand, money can’t buy.
From BMTC bus stand I got into a bus that promised me to take me to brigadier road. There I met two people, both where thamil-vala, one aged and one youth. But both were equally nice to me. The aged person was very talkative, he dumped everything in his mind to me. He told me about #600 bus which would took me to the whole Bangalore city, that’s banashankar to banashankar bus. His lecture was very informative. he told me about church street and about the Sunday specialty, more white skin and more red lips; and I said my ok. I had no fear talking to those two strangers, they were not at all dangerous. They don’t want to know my personal details. They were just talking about the Bangalore city and the places I can visit. Good people, nice company, great time.
I had a short walk of two kilometers to my destination, CRM Consultancies. I asked about the address to a co-walker and he took me to its gate. He is a Wipro employee. He had an off-white shirt and gray pants with a bright black belt. That belt was shining odd with his polished shoes. His words were not that polished and always had a mission with each one of them. His principle was less words and more steps. And so we reached the destination with much pace and in less time. He walked away. Heavens continued to shower its people, and our one third land area is lucky to get those people without hurt.
The consultancy was not expecting 2008 pass out people. They asked me for my certificates and about my final results. I haven’t had both things. So I have to return the same way I got inside. I was not in desperate mood, because God placed the CRM Consultancies in the church street. Even though it was not Sunday, there were enough crowd for me. Guys were really enjoying the visual party and most of them were in their cargos and in loose t-shirts. They are dressed in a very carefully careless manner, while the girls are walking as if they are on a ramp, creatures from their fantasy world. They were so nervous and their eyes were so reserved, that it touched only the cosmetics and worthy articles
I have to walk two kilometers for a bus stop. I made a busy walk, took amble care to avoid the broken slabs of the foot-path. I got my us and reached home safe.
That night I got a call from shanto chettan. It was really a consoling call and he shared his experience with me. He played a good brother and it had a double effect on me as it is for the first time I am experiencing a brother. I don’t have a brother from my mom and he is my sister’s property. It was a half an hour long call and heated my ear flap by radiation, as I am using the latest Samsung mobile with a big antenna. Its market price will exceed seventy five rupees and a jeeraka soda.
Wednesday morning, I bought a copy of times of India noted the interview dates and constancy numbers. Then I washed my cloths. I have done some exercises from my aptitude books. In the evening I went to the net café and checked mails and chatted with my dear and near ones and I felt better. From there I had an evening walk and got into a super market. It was not that crowded like forum but people comes there for real shopping, not for window shopping. I wandered there unnoticed, but a single sales person wants to introduce his product to me. He asked me, ”where you work?” . I was so happy that, at least I had a look of an employee. Those times I had a very great respect for everyone who are employed, even watch the sweepers in restaurants with jealous. They had a job and I don’t have.
I could note down many number of good captions, each and every flux board was a black board for me, they taught me words with their different meaning. I was trying to make more captions for my imaginary products. I was walking with much ease but working hard in my mind. That take of my life badly demanded a dictionary, I don’t have one just like my job. Those words and thoughts put me over more serious subjects as relationships and attitudes. I felt girls need less number of relationships and they want to boorish those few relationships. But boys at the other end will be having a lot of connections but seldom go for deep relationships. I made more theories and made more steps towards my territory. Reached home safe.
Thursday morning, I have to visit two software companies. I asked the address to many people and none could identify the company in that locality. At last I made a call and other end female voice instructed my route and I reached the company. The company was not half big as our house. The manager, receptionist and the duties of peon were handled by a fantastic madam. But she doesn’t have that pride in her face. It took great effort for her to open her eyes and I felt like I should help her for it. As soon as she finished her lecturing I said my ok and returned.
The next company was a good set up. They have enough employees and a good office. But it was also a training institute. The receptionist collected my details and asked me to meet a madam. She was a very friendly girl; more specifically she was very well trained to be friendly. Boldness in her eyes spoke about the number of faces she handled. After that meeting she asked me for 10 minutes for a demo session they arranged. I scanned the office and could see it was well designed and maintained. Office stood on deep blue carpet with sky-blue walls with matching furniture. That madam offered me drinking water and I had two hundred milliliters of it. A man of twenty three years came there; he is the man going to teach me about Sap. A girl and a boy invited me to their class room. Both of them are of my age. They too pretended as enquirers and the drama began, the class began. They were asking him very reasonable doubts and getting unmatched solutions and I was impressed. It was a twenty minutes drama and at the end of the class, master assured me that I could even got placed in sap labs in germany. And I didn’t forget to give him back my ok. The receptionist guided me to a new actress, MANAGER, it was that written on her desk. She asked me about joining date for the drama class, and I demanded her visiting card as an answer.
……………………………………………………………………………………
I was there for ten more days, and the big city smiled at me in black and white. I returned home, to my gods own country hoping one day I would have enough colors with me to color the whole Bangalore city.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)