close to ma life

It is about my Bangalore trip in search of Job. Here I don’t want to suppress my inferiority or superiority complex; everything is here as fresh and straight from my garden of feelings. I do want to be cent percent truthful from my side and so I don’t want to present nothing less than the truth. So, here we go…

It was a Saturday evening and the climate was just normal, as normal as I am. Though, am a normal person my mind was not normal at that take of my life. Thoughts were crowded and my poor mind had no room for any fresh thoughts. My abnormal mind has to process a million thoughts a second. It got heated up. My body began to sweat and my inners got heavy. There is always a reason behind everything, and here comes the reason. I am going to make a stay with people whom I don’t even have any acquaintance, forgetting some short phone calls. The only name familiar to me is Joe. He is my friend’s friend and I know his two features, he is romantic as well as a man live in the present, somebody who took life seriously. These two immiscible characters made him a subject of interest, at the same time demanded amble care to deal with, because those people are very light weighted and fragile. He has got more importance in my trip, the only person I know a little, also he is the one who helped me to prove one more theory that some silly things done somewhere in our life enables us to get more help in return. Life, he continues to teach me more lessons.

Back to the present, my burdened mind; thoughts are flashing and the cooling system is doing their part pretty well at this time. The main topics of those thoughts were about the environment I have to be acquainted with, than about the job. I was not confident with myself with my negotiation capabilities. And there are reasons for that too, it is my sister. She always threatens me with the wild circumstances that I am going to face in my life which I could not adjust. In her opinion, am a savage stuff, more than adamant, the blind stubborn. And these thoughts made me to make a vow that I should think twice before telling a “No” to my co-habitant, the only way to express my socializing nature, and want to use it as a tool to defend myself. I was prepared to face to the virtual enemy and the funny side of the future was that they were all so independent creatures and never arose any serious questions of yes or no and my “No” part has got no chance and went to its passive state.


Again back to the present, Nandu was there to take me to the bus stop. He is the man who always there to support whenever I am so tensed. He always proves it by just being an unmatched listener, that is his nature. The curiosity in his face compels me to dump everything into the air and empty my mind, made me feel comfortable. My amma packed everything for my journey. The very thing I noticed in her is, she never showed any sentiments at the time of departure. I can memories the same bold face when she left for Bahrain and I stayed for the first time without aunty. I know she was so tensed thinking about me, but she expressed nothing, just a good bye as she said to all of us gathered there.







Once again back to the present, Manju cheachi(neighbour) was there with a pleasant smile, she said nothing; but I could hear her from her heart, it said, ”pavam muthu(myself).” I am not sure, it may be “pavam Leena cheachi.” There was an inner voice in my mind to see achachan (neighbor, 80 m) and to say good bye. But I haven’t done it; I am not that good as I think I am. I behaved less sapiens.

I stared at my left wrist and it showed 6.25pm. I have 5 more minutes to get there. Me and Nandu started to the bus stop. In my haste I mis-wore my chapels for my turned to red shoes, and half the way we have to take a u-turn. Nandu didn’t allow me to step out as he thinks it is a bad omen. And so he collected me my red shoes and pungent socks from the door steps. He made no sounds that he don’t want my amma know about the case, because she too considered it as a bad omen. He always care for his friends like this, boy or girl, it makes no difference to him. I want to specify it here to criticize guys who took over care for their girl friends and girls who do the same to their boy friends and I am no exception in this case too. I am a normal person. It is him to be blamed who injected those hormones into our veins by birth itself, naughty ultimate power.

We have reached the bus stop and enquired at the bus office, he give me a fifteen minutes more. We returned to our four wheels and changed my foot-wares. In my mind I have a doubt that I forgot my mobile charger. “doubt” , it always took birth from a violent mind and my mind too counted with that violent category. Charger was there in my hand bag, else we have to draw an another U. “thank God”. He is not that naughty. oom.

Still we have a ten minutes more. The battery of my sudoku player was weak and it faded its display. We walked to china shop and got it changed. By that time I have given him a brief description of our farewell party at thrissur. He wants to listen to me, but I could see many other thoughts in his mind, so he nodded very fast that he want to give me a listening feeling, I kept doing my bla-bla. There are times to play the fool of ourselves that could simplify the complex situations presented. My bla-bla helped me to ease my mind to an extend. Life, he taught me his new old lesson to play the fool. My sudoku player is in good condition and it pulled my lips to spread.

My flight is ready to take off. The bus boy took my big bag to the boot. Though there was nothing so expensive, I followed him to make sure it is safe. Nandu waved his hands and said me good bye in his mind, and he could read my ok from my mind. I want to mention about a pretty girl smiling at me now and as decency I smiled her back. She was so excited and was very happy about it. But I am not, because she don’t even had her milk teeth, but had 2 sisters. There also God deceived me, they were just six and eight.







Though the bus looks too muutta, it didn’t give me much vibration. Driver shifts the gears and it gained its pace. There was nothing gone wrong, but I felt lost with myself. I had the same feeling when I went for an excursion in my 10th std, while saying good-bye there is no problem. But the later makes me feel lost. Soon I took my mobile as a defense. But I don know what should I expect from that electronic cake, fairly a big piece. And it showed 3 messages and 2 missed calls. It really comforted me. I ringed back that land line to my amma and said am ok and about the foot-ware case. She said “oom”. What else should she say? Soon my friend binu called me and wished me good-luck. The two messages was from Pavithran and those were damn emotional messages, and it moved me like anything, I don’ know what to reply. Also I hate tears. I controlled myself, also my tension didn’t allow me to be emotional no longer, exchanged some messages with him and felt exhausted. He once again proved to be light hearted and I feel great to own a very simple friend like him. Also I exchanged messages with Jincy, it was not that emotional as I don’t have that deep relationship with her. I felt like I should have made a better connection. But desires never said “you are late.” Those messages gained me another sis, Jincy pengal, and I felt a little better. I received more miss calls from friends and I replied in the same manner. Got a good night message from Lemcy and replied her the same. Some udayippu messages from Nubin and it really worked with my heart.

Soon I slipped into a nap. But it stopped for dinner, had my amma prepared noodles and a big banana, it is not amma prepared, it is plantain prepared. Back to fantasy, back to sleep, back to deep sleep, and at the peak time a got a call from this material world, more than a call it was a blow on my left ear. Instead of ears I opened my eyes. A thirty year old lady said, “sorry” , and I felt pity on that nonsense sorry, a wrong word at wrong time. I just said ok though I don’t mean it and spread cheese on my lips. That cheese masked my wrath. She had a four year old daughter and she placed her near to the window. She was very restless to make her daughter feel restful. She continued to make noise and want to adjust her throne. I was half-asleep, but I helped her to fix it, not because I want to help her but want to sleep her. I wished her “rest in peace” in my mind. I didn’t look into her face. She might had a thanks smile, but I don’t want any more thanks or sorry, the era has gone, now am badly in need of a little peace in my territory. Now I felt bad about myself, I should have said an ok with my eyes; once again I proved I am less sapiens. The best time to measure a person is in his bad times, and I wished none might have measured me at that take of my life.

Sunday morning, it is not sun rays, those are red and green filtered streaks without any energy to sour my eyes, still before sun rise, the high-way decorated with neon lamps. I enquired the driver and said he too given me a fifteen minutes more to madivala. I dropped a call to Joe-cheattan, he said he will be waiting for me at the bus stop.







I got down at madivala and made a call for Joe-cheattan, he told me to walk in the reverse direction and I have to. As a matter of common sense I walked in the forward manner in the reverse direction. Within two minutes I found my savior. He took one of my bags and we walked for five minutes reached our shelter.


It was more than an ok. It was much more than I expected, got a hall, three bed-rooms with attached toilets and a kitchen. A bed room and its toilet were not used, they were meant for dumping and washing respectively. That bathroom has got a wash basin for brushing and shaving and I was very happy about it. After meeting my basic needs he checked with me about a morning walk. The subjects discussed were about the software industry and the aim of my visit. He talked about the BPOs, call centers, supporting services etc and it was a very informative. He also offered me a tea but I can’t accept it. I won’t take tea. We got into a restaurant and had a masala dosa. It was ok, but can’t be compared with woodlands masala dosa irinjalakuda. And so we returned home. There I met the next member of out family, Jay, a very cool person. But he don’t have the confidence in his coolness. I have arrived at this conclusion with his own words. He once met a girl in the forum, she was very friendly. She had given him her mobile number and introduced him to her friends. She showed genuine interests in that relationship, the extreme a malayalee girl can express. She once called him by phone and asked for an appointment on a weekend, and he said he is busy with something else. It is not that he is not interested in her but he is not confident in himself. Anyway I am not in a position to train him to be a better boy-friend and I don’t know more about this story. I am famous among my friends telling stories without a climax. The reason is that I just tell live stories without masala and real life stories are not that thrilling and may be without a climax.

Soon we (me and Joe-chettan) dressed for the mass at St:Antonio church. Inside the church were so crowded and we got our reserved place somewhere inside the verandah. The mass was in English and of course I understand nothing and said amen. After that we had a short walk to the forum. Common stuffs, white skin and red lips, very attractive but nothing special. I love people but hate shopping malls and so we returned.

Joe-chettan drew a map and showed our location and near by places and explained me how to reach home back in the right route. I folded that sheet and put in my pocket and it was very important to me. That day itself I took a airtel connection and that was a fair deal. Joe-chettan helped me to make my choice. That evening I made one another evening walk to study my land. Everybody was busy on streets. None look at other’s face. Most of the people are chatting on their mobile phones as if they are from the other world. I felt like I am the odd one there, the one without a mission in a world of dead line.






Monday morning, I went to net-café and searched the inbox. There were nothing that I am searching, registered in more job sites and I just returned home. I got dressed well but without a tie. I entered the street and I felt pity on myself. I don’t know, I really felt bad of myself though there was nothing so embarrassing happened just now. My well pressed shirt was shouting that I am on my way to my office, but I don’t have one. I don’t know what to do and where to go. The thing is, I don’t have an aim. I put my mind on the subject and pictured an aim. A consultancy, that was my aim. I had a walk for 2 hours and can’t find a consultancy board. I was fed up. I dropped calls to my friends and well-wishers and collected some addresses and name of a magazine, AD-MAG. I bought one for myself but it was not printed for people like me. There were no openings for a software job except for some BPOs and call centers. I made some calls to some consultancies and they had no software jobs. I returned home with a very heavy heart. I can’t find a job, more than that I can’t even make the first move to find some consultancies to help me.

Loe cheattan, my next family member, made his appearance. He just arrived from his kingdom. He is very straight and talks with plain words and so we can trust his words. In fact, his words were really disturbing my mind, but everything he said was true. He told me that there is no point in remaining there. Go back and clear all backlogs and come back with my certificates was his advice. I worried boundless. I just want to go back to my kingdom. I just want to correct my six hundred kilometer fault. Now, I don’t want to disturb my amma, also she can’t take the final decision. So I called my sister. All that she could tell me was to remain there and she was talking from a partial picture. I told her to tell shanto chettan. Call ended. But my desperate mood has not ended with the call. It drew me to a better place. I slept like an escaped prisoner. First time in my life sleep act as a pseudo savior from my real problems.

Tuesday morning, this time my mind was a little bit relaxed, though I don’t know what to do. It was not actually relaxed but prepared, prepared to face the worst.

I put down all the addresses I could collect and set out for them. I got a bus to BMTC bus stand and from there to Srinagar. I haven’t seen a huge bus stand like that before. It was well maintained except for the dirty dust bins and its surroundings. I got down at the bus stop. I asked the shop keeper near by about the address and he said something in kannada which I was really foreign to my ears and said my ok. My eyes locked at a helping smile at the flower shop. That man stared at the address and he pointed to a complex near by. He too doesn’t speak English but know human language. I thanked him and said “somebody from heavens on earth” in my mind and “thank you” with my tongue. I really want to do more to express my gratitude but I have nothing more to do at that point of life.






I entered the camvar technologies with much respect in my heart and without shoes on my foot. The security asked me my name and address in a very indifferent manner and put down in his note-book. I feared that he might demand for my birth certificates and original passport for verification. It was just a training center for everyone but for them it is the second world trade center under the threat of terrorist attack. They made me wait there for 45 minutes. That was the only thing that they could do to show the dignity of their institution. Damn people, damn plan. Just before starting my forty sixth minute of waiting, the blessed busy lady appeared with a busy file in hand. The security ushered me into her cabin. The only thing that she could do better than me was to speak fluent English. She lectured about the infinite possibilities of being placed if I got trained from their institution. All that she need was money and I need a job, and so said my ok and left the scene, left the great university.


The next big thing I have to do was get a Bangalore map. I walked for three to four kilometers in search for a book-stall, more specifically an opened book-stall. And the funny side of my expedition was that all book-stalls went on a strike that day.


And my next step was to get back to BMTC bus stand. I got into a bus and they asked m which BMTC bus stand. I could not understand it as it was in kannada. On of my co-traveler helped me and given me the bus number to my destination. “The other one from heavens” and thanked him in words and said good bye to that bus driver. Soon I got my right bus and I was thinking about that person who helped me. I am sure that it will be a less earth, if there are less people from above. He might never aimed at anything material from me, but got a lot of good wishes from my heart. Here I want to quote my another discovery, it is more important than a word of thanks or a bouquet of flowers, to wish a good life to our fellow beings as long as we believe in that unity of soul. Something that money can’t understand, money can’t buy.

From BMTC bus stand I got into a bus that promised me to take me to brigadier road. There I met two people, both where thamil-vala, one aged and one youth. But both were equally nice to me. The aged person was very talkative, he dumped everything in his mind to me. He told me about #600 bus which would took me to the whole Bangalore city, that’s banashankar to banashankar bus. His lecture was very informative. he told me about church street and about the Sunday specialty, more white skin and more red lips; and I said my ok. I had no fear talking to those two strangers, they were not at all dangerous. They don’t want to know my personal details. They were just talking about the Bangalore city and the places I can visit. Good people, nice company, great time.







I had a short walk of two kilometers to my destination, CRM Consultancies. I asked about the address to a co-walker and he took me to its gate. He is a Wipro employee. He had an off-white shirt and gray pants with a bright black belt. That belt was shining odd with his polished shoes. His words were not that polished and always had a mission with each one of them. His principle was less words and more steps. And so we reached the destination with much pace and in less time. He walked away. Heavens continued to shower its people, and our one third land area is lucky to get those people without hurt.

The consultancy was not expecting 2008 pass out people. They asked me for my certificates and about my final results. I haven’t had both things. So I have to return the same way I got inside. I was not in desperate mood, because God placed the CRM Consultancies in the church street. Even though it was not Sunday, there were enough crowd for me. Guys were really enjoying the visual party and most of them were in their cargos and in loose t-shirts. They are dressed in a very carefully careless manner, while the girls are walking as if they are on a ramp, creatures from their fantasy world. They were so nervous and their eyes were so reserved, that it touched only the cosmetics and worthy articles

I have to walk two kilometers for a bus stop. I made a busy walk, took amble care to avoid the broken slabs of the foot-path. I got my us and reached home safe.

That night I got a call from shanto chettan. It was really a consoling call and he shared his experience with me. He played a good brother and it had a double effect on me as it is for the first time I am experiencing a brother. I don’t have a brother from my mom and he is my sister’s property. It was a half an hour long call and heated my ear flap by radiation, as I am using the latest Samsung mobile with a big antenna. Its market price will exceed seventy five rupees and a jeeraka soda.


Wednesday morning, I bought a copy of times of India noted the interview dates and constancy numbers. Then I washed my cloths. I have done some exercises from my aptitude books. In the evening I went to the net café and checked mails and chatted with my dear and near ones and I felt better. From there I had an evening walk and got into a super market. It was not that crowded like forum but people comes there for real shopping, not for window shopping. I wandered there unnoticed, but a single sales person wants to introduce his product to me. He asked me, ”where you work?” . I was so happy that, at least I had a look of an employee. Those times I had a very great respect for everyone who are employed, even watch the sweepers in restaurants with jealous. They had a job and I don’t have.






I could note down many number of good captions, each and every flux board was a black board for me, they taught me words with their different meaning. I was trying to make more captions for my imaginary products. I was walking with much ease but working hard in my mind. That take of my life badly demanded a dictionary, I don’t have one just like my job. Those words and thoughts put me over more serious subjects as relationships and attitudes. I felt girls need less number of relationships and they want to boorish those few relationships. But boys at the other end will be having a lot of connections but seldom go for deep relationships. I made more theories and made more steps towards my territory. Reached home safe.

Thursday morning, I have to visit two software companies. I asked the address to many people and none could identify the company in that locality. At last I made a call and other end female voice instructed my route and I reached the company. The company was not half big as our house. The manager, receptionist and the duties of peon were handled by a fantastic madam. But she doesn’t have that pride in her face. It took great effort for her to open her eyes and I felt like I should help her for it. As soon as she finished her lecturing I said my ok and returned.

The next company was a good set up. They have enough employees and a good office. But it was also a training institute. The receptionist collected my details and asked me to meet a madam. She was a very friendly girl; more specifically she was very well trained to be friendly. Boldness in her eyes spoke about the number of faces she handled. After that meeting she asked me for 10 minutes for a demo session they arranged. I scanned the office and could see it was well designed and maintained. Office stood on deep blue carpet with sky-blue walls with matching furniture. That madam offered me drinking water and I had two hundred milliliters of it. A man of twenty three years came there; he is the man going to teach me about Sap. A girl and a boy invited me to their class room. Both of them are of my age. They too pretended as enquirers and the drama began, the class began. They were asking him very reasonable doubts and getting unmatched solutions and I was impressed. It was a twenty minutes drama and at the end of the class, master assured me that I could even got placed in sap labs in germany. And I didn’t forget to give him back my ok. The receptionist guided me to a new actress, MANAGER, it was that written on her desk. She asked me about joining date for the drama class, and I demanded her visiting card as an answer.

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I was there for ten more days, and the big city smiled at me in black and white. I returned home, to my gods own country hoping one day I would have enough colors with me to color the whole Bangalore city.